wednesday, october 13th.

my instagram is too distracting and i would rather listen to alessia cara and james arthur on repeat than working through my assignments. i have finally somewhat settled into my new apartment, still feeling as though someone could shake me awake to find myself back in lockdown in melbourne though. this feeling I can’t get rid off and it’s draining, added to being sick of all — which also was to be expected after diving head first back into social life and partying, seeing so many old and new faces. 

last weekend we spent in my holiday house in the mountains, I felt like I could breathe and the vibrant but blissfuly calming energy this house and the outlook onto mountains have is incredible. I could stare outside the window for ages, not moving. I am so blessed to be in munich again, so that the trip to the mountains isn’t long and I can go whenever I want. It’s like my own little therapy. So suiting to be listening to “medicine” on repeat by J.A. — 

You are, you are, you are

The cure for all my scars

I feel like you could save me now

When I’m suicidal

Don’t let me spiral

You make my heart beat faster than adrenaline

You kiss away the pain of all the hell I’m in

You’re gonna make me better than I’ve ever been

‘Cause you’re my medicine, you’re my medicine

the said spiral is the story of my life. high sensitive over thinker & deep diver. hah. sometimes I feel like my energy and the depth of my thoughts can’t be handled by people around me. It’s something I’ve always had to deal with, the “too much” of everything sort of thing. luckily Ive gotten to the point where I just think, if someone can’t, they’re not meant to be with you. in whatever way you thought they were supposed to. more so I acknowledge and love the people that push me further and carry my wings. again, so blessed to have these 5 angels around me. 

these feelings are so overwhelming sometimes, and I struggle to identify what impact the mountains have on it all. when I stand there breathing deeply that fresh mountain air and just stare onto the mountain tops feeling 12 feet tall all that I ever think about is just raveling into such a heavyweight in my stomach I can feel it tingling and almost hurting to the point I need to look away to get back into reality. And then I wonder, I can’t be the only one this happens to? How is this a real feeling and a real happening? 

— thoughts of this moment, 1.41 pm —

xx S